We are physically born with either a male or a female body, but psychologically, we are both. Physically, we are attracted to the opposite sex but on the psychological level, something deeper is happening. Every male is searching for his inner female and vice-versa. What we cannot see is that what we are searching for outside, is actually our own other half.

Similarly, energy is dual – there is masculine and feminine energy in essence, different from the male and female gender. Masculine energy is aggressive; it wants to do, dominate and assert. Feminine energy is soft, receptive, passive and surrendering. Relationship is the cosmic play of these two energies. In any relationship, especially marriage, if we can learn to look beyond the body and see the energy that has come to meet us, then we can become the opposite. Say, if a wife is angry, then the husband can see that the masculine energy is dominant and the minute he sees this, he should move into feminine energy and become receptive.

This is an art and will takes years of practice to become proficient. It really does not matter who has come to meet us, or whether one is praising us or insulting us, or whether it is a question of he is wrong and I am right, we just have to become the opposite energy and at a subtle level we can experience the play of two energies. Just as an artist creates a canvas, we can and should create a beautiful artwork on the canvas of relationship. Since relating is every moment, not just to people but also to our surroundings, this dance is eternal. As we experience the meeting of male and female energies we are filled with an inner orgasm which permeates our being with joy and happiness. Irrespective of the event being sad or joyous, we are relating at a different level. This is the dance of Radhe-Krishna or ‘tantra’ at its deepest core. Then, life is free of violence, for everything which was contrary has become complementary. When two waves meet, there is a space in between wherein there is total silence. It is this stillness that Buddha called as Nirvana.

In the Mahabharata, we have the character of Shikhandin. ‘Shikha’ means the summit or the top-most point. He was born a female and later became a male. Shikhandin symbolises this inner transformation. TV shows have depicted Shikhandin in a bad light. Actually, Rishi Vyasa is telling us a person who has learnt the art of consciously becoming masculine or feminine reaches the ‘shikha’ or the height of human consciousness.

- By Rajen Vakil